It is Pride here in MA. Tomorrow is the parade in Boston and we are going with friends. It will be nice. I am happy it is Pride and thrilled to live in the most free state in the Union. I just feel a bit lack luster cause I have Hester's most recent cold. I secretly want to stay in bed and sleep. But Pride comes once a year (unless you travel about going to the different major cities' Pride celebrations making it last for a month or more) and I need to perk up and be gay.
Note to self: do not share ice cream cones with daughter who has a cold.
13 June, 2008
07 June, 2008
Hospital Q
A few things have happened at work over the past few months that have been uncomfortable for me as a queer person. One that is more recent and has stuck with me for a while was when a coworker wanted to play for me the two gay songs from the musical "Avenue Q." She thought I would find them funny; I did not. Alright, the songs were mildly amusing but the fact she thought I would like them because I am gay did not thrill me at all. As I sat there listening to songs who's main theme was the fear of coming out, I watched her chortle until she was nearly in tears. I was not amused at all at this point. When the songs ended, I said I had to go see a patient or something and left. I did not tell her my feelings about the songs for a) everyone in my dept. is thrilled about "Avenue Q" currently, b) I don't want to come off as the angry militant dyke, and c) I wanted to think about my reaction.
I talked with Clementine that evening about it. She understood where i was coming from and said she would feel about the same too. She said she thought I was upset because it is a musical for younger people and I am too old for it. I heard what she was saying and agreed to a point. But i thought it was something more.
I was upset that my coworker, who probably has never had to live in the closet, fearful to be her true self because of family, church, societal rejection, loosing a job, loosing housing, violence, self-fear/loathing, etc., was getting her jollies listening to a song about having a beard (made up or fake girlfriend for a gay man). I have been in the position to fear coming out of the closet, fearful of society, loosing my internship, loosing friends, loosing housing, scorn, and violence. I have been there when the pressures to be your honest true self are warring with the pressures to hide and you feel like one will cause you to explode while the other will crush you. That was years ago but I remember it well. More recently, despite living very out and open, every day there are options and choices to make of do i come out to this person or not, do I say something to the librarian, the plumber, the patient's mother, the waitress, etc. How dare she laugh at this, this woman who has no idea, no hint of understanding of what it is to be under these pressures. How dare she laugh and share it with me, expecting me to find it funny because I am gay?
It could be the thing where when you are a minority, it is OK to poke fun at yourself and the group to which you belong but if you are part of the majority, it is not cool to poke fun at a minority group. Some language and jokes can be off-limits for members of the majority. Like Clementine can call me a dyke but if my straight coworkers cannot. If Clementine had played the song for me, I may have had a totally different experience and laughed my ass off, but that is because she knows. My coworker, from what I can tell, does not know. Not at all.
It seems to be a culture at the hospital to share anti-queer comments with me too, as they look to me to support their f'd up viewpoints. Comments have been made to me about a transgender kid who comes in periodically to the hospital. Many of us have known this kid since early school age and now the kid is a teen. We have known him as a boy who loved Barbie. Now she appears to be living as a woman. And my coworkers think it is OK to come to me with comments about her appearance and what she chooses to wear. They think I will understand and sympathize with their discomfort. I try to educate but it falls on deaf ears and the more I try the worse it gets.
I reached the end of my rope about it and emailed management that I have heard these comments. I pointed out how it creates a unsafe environment for the queer and transgender kids at the hospital. They listened and are working to provide education to the staff about GLBTQ issues. They even asked my input on possible speakers. Good, huh?
Well, I guess it is time for this because the head of the nurse education staff told me that she had to Google LGBTQ to find out what it stood for. She thought it was funny she did not know.
I talked with Clementine that evening about it. She understood where i was coming from and said she would feel about the same too. She said she thought I was upset because it is a musical for younger people and I am too old for it. I heard what she was saying and agreed to a point. But i thought it was something more.
I was upset that my coworker, who probably has never had to live in the closet, fearful to be her true self because of family, church, societal rejection, loosing a job, loosing housing, violence, self-fear/loathing, etc., was getting her jollies listening to a song about having a beard (made up or fake girlfriend for a gay man). I have been in the position to fear coming out of the closet, fearful of society, loosing my internship, loosing friends, loosing housing, scorn, and violence. I have been there when the pressures to be your honest true self are warring with the pressures to hide and you feel like one will cause you to explode while the other will crush you. That was years ago but I remember it well. More recently, despite living very out and open, every day there are options and choices to make of do i come out to this person or not, do I say something to the librarian, the plumber, the patient's mother, the waitress, etc. How dare she laugh at this, this woman who has no idea, no hint of understanding of what it is to be under these pressures. How dare she laugh and share it with me, expecting me to find it funny because I am gay?
It could be the thing where when you are a minority, it is OK to poke fun at yourself and the group to which you belong but if you are part of the majority, it is not cool to poke fun at a minority group. Some language and jokes can be off-limits for members of the majority. Like Clementine can call me a dyke but if my straight coworkers cannot. If Clementine had played the song for me, I may have had a totally different experience and laughed my ass off, but that is because she knows. My coworker, from what I can tell, does not know. Not at all.
It seems to be a culture at the hospital to share anti-queer comments with me too, as they look to me to support their f'd up viewpoints. Comments have been made to me about a transgender kid who comes in periodically to the hospital. Many of us have known this kid since early school age and now the kid is a teen. We have known him as a boy who loved Barbie. Now she appears to be living as a woman. And my coworkers think it is OK to come to me with comments about her appearance and what she chooses to wear. They think I will understand and sympathize with their discomfort. I try to educate but it falls on deaf ears and the more I try the worse it gets.
I reached the end of my rope about it and emailed management that I have heard these comments. I pointed out how it creates a unsafe environment for the queer and transgender kids at the hospital. They listened and are working to provide education to the staff about GLBTQ issues. They even asked my input on possible speakers. Good, huh?
Well, I guess it is time for this because the head of the nurse education staff told me that she had to Google LGBTQ to find out what it stood for. She thought it was funny she did not know.
05 June, 2008
Mystic Aquarium
Hester, Clementine and I went on our Mystical Fish Adventure last weekend and had a wonderful time. The adventure was a trip to Mystic, CT. There we went to the Mystic Aquarium (fun), Mystic Pizza (yum), toodling around the downtown area, and watching a Memorial Day parade.
Here are some pictures.
PS. Don't go to Mystic Aquarium on Memorial Day Weekend unless you love large unruly crowds.
more tar
Also, last night, during dinner, a song came on a CD and Hester started pointing into the living room and saying all sorts of stuff that neither of us knew what she was saying. She was very insistent. We tried to figure it out and I finally caught the word "tar" in it. I realized I played the song on the CD for her on my guitar once last week. I asked if she was saying she wanted me to play the song for her again on my guitar and she smiled and said "tar."
What a memory on this kid!
What a memory on this kid!
04 June, 2008
Commuting Green
So, as you have noted from my previous posts, the price of gas is on my mind. Very much on my mind. It costs way too much now and I have heard analysts on NPR talk about it getting as high as $7 a gallon. $7!!!! Holy Crap, that is a lot of money.
Currently, I work a 4 day work week, two 12 hour shifts and two 8 hour shifts. The commuter rail schedule to my town is not very good, as I have said on many occasions. On Wednesday and Thursday, my 8 hour days, I take the commuter rail in and home. It leaves the station at 5:43 AM and I get back to the station at 6:30 PM. Gross, but OK. On my late days, I get off at 8:30 PM and the next train home is at 10 something which arrives at 11:45 PM. Hence, my driving two days.
To be more economical, I have been parking at Riverside and taking the Green line into Boston. It is long but OK. But even driving there is 30 miles each way. With gas, toll, parking, wear and tear, that is a lot of money.
I looked at my schedule and the train schedule and believe I can modify my hours on Tuesday to be able to take the 8:20 PM train to be home by 10 PM, saving one round trip worth of gas. That is good, right? But on Fridays, I have to be there until 8:30 PM. There is no changing my schedule. If I were to be good, I would take the train home and be home at midnight. But that makes me so upset and frustrated.
So what should I do, blog friends? Be a good green citizen, conserve gas, keep our costs lower, and take the train every day, even though I will get home at midnight after leaving that morning at 5:43 AM? Do I increase our costs, use fossil fuels and drive in on Fridays, which will get me home between 10 and 11 PM (depending on the Green Line and Red Sox games)? Help me out and give me your opinion.
Currently, I work a 4 day work week, two 12 hour shifts and two 8 hour shifts. The commuter rail schedule to my town is not very good, as I have said on many occasions. On Wednesday and Thursday, my 8 hour days, I take the commuter rail in and home. It leaves the station at 5:43 AM and I get back to the station at 6:30 PM. Gross, but OK. On my late days, I get off at 8:30 PM and the next train home is at 10 something which arrives at 11:45 PM. Hence, my driving two days.
To be more economical, I have been parking at Riverside and taking the Green line into Boston. It is long but OK. But even driving there is 30 miles each way. With gas, toll, parking, wear and tear, that is a lot of money.
I looked at my schedule and the train schedule and believe I can modify my hours on Tuesday to be able to take the 8:20 PM train to be home by 10 PM, saving one round trip worth of gas. That is good, right? But on Fridays, I have to be there until 8:30 PM. There is no changing my schedule. If I were to be good, I would take the train home and be home at midnight. But that makes me so upset and frustrated.
So what should I do, blog friends? Be a good green citizen, conserve gas, keep our costs lower, and take the train every day, even though I will get home at midnight after leaving that morning at 5:43 AM? Do I increase our costs, use fossil fuels and drive in on Fridays, which will get me home between 10 and 11 PM (depending on the Green Line and Red Sox games)? Help me out and give me your opinion.
03 June, 2008
Tar
Many people at work or who know I am a music therapist ask me if Hester likes it when I play the guitar. Embarassed, I mumble some answer and try to get away from that conversation quickly. You see, I had not played my guitar for Hester until last week. It wasn't an active choice to not play, I just don't play much at home cause I play all day at work. After someone saying something about that last week, I thought about it all the way home on the train. I decided to institute guitar time after dinner a few nights a week.
Hester liked it immediately and learned the word guitar, which she says as "tar." She likes to try to strum it and grab the neck. She also likes to slip her little hand and arm into the sound hole.
I am really happy to share this gift with Hester.
02 June, 2008
First 100 Words
One of Hester's first 100 words (and one of her clearer words) is vulva.
It started one day when she grabbed her vulva and said "yuck." This came about because when we change her poop diapers, we try to keep her from grabbing the diaper or the poop by saying "yuck." This works pretty good. But then I was horrified to see that she had generalized the "yuck" to the area not just the poop. So I started explaining to her that poop was yuck but her vulva was not. I taught her the word for vulva so she did not call it "yuck." Clearly, she likes the word and has learned it for she says vulva nearly every diaper change now and will point to her vulva.
She also learned "cuckoo" today. However, despite my teaching, she did not learn to say "mama cuckoo." Bummer.
It started one day when she grabbed her vulva and said "yuck." This came about because when we change her poop diapers, we try to keep her from grabbing the diaper or the poop by saying "yuck." This works pretty good. But then I was horrified to see that she had generalized the "yuck" to the area not just the poop. So I started explaining to her that poop was yuck but her vulva was not. I taught her the word for vulva so she did not call it "yuck." Clearly, she likes the word and has learned it for she says vulva nearly every diaper change now and will point to her vulva.
She also learned "cuckoo" today. However, despite my teaching, she did not learn to say "mama cuckoo." Bummer.
27 May, 2008
24 May, 2008
22 May, 2008
Clementine!!!
Happy Birthday to my dearest Clementine!
I love you super muchly!
Hester loves you too!
20 May, 2008
Writing
Hi there blog friends.
I just want to say that I am so happy that I am finally writing a manuscript for a journal article. I wanted to write this for three or so years but have not had the a) time, b) energy, c) guts to do it. But I decided it was time to, as my dad says, "Shit or get off the pot." I have one hour of unstructured free time at work each week and I have been using that time to get this done. I think the first draft will be complete in 2-3 weeks! I am thrilled.
**Update**
I actually had some more time this week and finished all of the first draft but the conclusion and the abstract. Next, I have to go through and make sure everything is cited, have my co-author read it, and start the endless seeming revisions. But the biggest hurdle of finding the first set of words to convey my ideas is over.
I just want to say that I am so happy that I am finally writing a manuscript for a journal article. I wanted to write this for three or so years but have not had the a) time, b) energy, c) guts to do it. But I decided it was time to, as my dad says, "Shit or get off the pot." I have one hour of unstructured free time at work each week and I have been using that time to get this done. I think the first draft will be complete in 2-3 weeks! I am thrilled.
**Update**
I actually had some more time this week and finished all of the first draft but the conclusion and the abstract. Next, I have to go through and make sure everything is cited, have my co-author read it, and start the endless seeming revisions. But the biggest hurdle of finding the first set of words to convey my ideas is over.
14 May, 2008
Strike 2
OK, so it is crunch time for Clementine's birthday and I have 2 strikes. Good lord, I gotta pull something together soon or . . . .
Actually, she says she does not want anything for her birthday except cake, singing, and a card from Hester. Hester and I have other plans. We want Clementine to know just how much we treasure her by picking out something wicked awesome for her that she will love.
I have come up with two ideas that have flopped. The first was "The Chocolate Tour." Sounds good, huh? First, we would drive to Walpole, NH to Burdick Chocolates headquarters to see (and eat) from the mother ship of fine chocolates! Then after that feast de cocoa, we would drive up to Burlington, VT. There we would visit the Lake Champlaine Chocolate factory and Ben and Jerry's Ice cream factory, as well as doing other fun things. This trip had to be cancelled due to the fact that the Lake Champlaine factory is only open for tours on weekdays and Clementine could not take a weekday off this year for the trip.
The second idea flopped tonight. I distinctly remembered Clementine talking about wanting a hammock for our yard a few years ago. I ordered a nice hammock and was all proud I had found a great gift. In talking to her tonight, I learned a) she does not feel comfortable relaxing in our yard because of icky neighborhood, b) she reminded me she cannot swing on a swing without feeling ill, c) she got seasick while scuba diving from the motion, d) she has actually never tried a hammock and does not know if she will get ill or not. Yeah, so that isn't going to work. Hello returns.
So anyone have any good ideas? Toss me a bone!
Actually, she says she does not want anything for her birthday except cake, singing, and a card from Hester. Hester and I have other plans. We want Clementine to know just how much we treasure her by picking out something wicked awesome for her that she will love.
I have come up with two ideas that have flopped. The first was "The Chocolate Tour." Sounds good, huh? First, we would drive to Walpole, NH to Burdick Chocolates headquarters to see (and eat) from the mother ship of fine chocolates! Then after that feast de cocoa, we would drive up to Burlington, VT. There we would visit the Lake Champlaine Chocolate factory and Ben and Jerry's Ice cream factory, as well as doing other fun things. This trip had to be cancelled due to the fact that the Lake Champlaine factory is only open for tours on weekdays and Clementine could not take a weekday off this year for the trip.
The second idea flopped tonight. I distinctly remembered Clementine talking about wanting a hammock for our yard a few years ago. I ordered a nice hammock and was all proud I had found a great gift. In talking to her tonight, I learned a) she does not feel comfortable relaxing in our yard because of icky neighborhood, b) she reminded me she cannot swing on a swing without feeling ill, c) she got seasick while scuba diving from the motion, d) she has actually never tried a hammock and does not know if she will get ill or not. Yeah, so that isn't going to work. Hello returns.
So anyone have any good ideas? Toss me a bone!
01 May, 2008
My Latest Library Run
More Knitting Tales of Woe
Remember this monstrous hat?
Well, after felting, it became this cute hat.
It perfectly fit Hester's 12 month old head. It is a pattern in Knit One, Felt Two. Since it was so cute and my favorite color, I decided I wanted one too to be matchy matchy with Hester. So I figured out how big it needed to be before knitting to fit me. Supposedly. Perhaps my math was fuzzy because it was HUGE when I finished knitting it.
But I thought, It may work out. Felting shrinks it a lot some times. No such luck this time. It is the size of a small trash can. Much too large to be a hat. So my hat became a slipper basket for the wee little ones that Clementine cares for.
Better luck next time!
30 April, 2008
Mumzy Baby Day
This week's Mumzy Baby day was not so fun. It started nice with hashbrowns for breakfast but went down hill when I had to take Hester to the doctor for her 15 month check up. It included two shots. Not such a good time. But she got a very nice book this time because of the reading program the practice is a part of. Every time she goes in for a check up or just a sick kid visit, she gets a book. Pretty nice, huh?
29 April, 2008
Anti-Violence Against Women Walk
We participated in a walk against violence against women this last weekend. It was Hester's second. I was struck that the speeches were mostly about how women needed to get services, participate in witness advocacy programs, and get involved. There was very little said about the role of men in committing violence, complacency when other commit violent acts, complacency in a sexist culture that allows predators to prey upon children and women. There was nothing said about changing laws to keep repeat offenders in prison or toughing sentencing of sex offenders and those who commit domestic violence. It was all about what women need to do.
They also had a initiative to get 100 men to commit to anti-violence stuff and to raise money for the organizations that put together the walk. They were unable to find 100 men to commit. And I am sure it is not from lack of trying. It is a travesty that DV and sexual assault are still seen as women's issues, that child abuse is still a women's issue. Women and children are most of the victims but 95% of perpetrators of these crimes are men. It is a men's issue too. But where the hell are they? If men took an active part, even half of the work on this issue, in prevention and changing sentencing laws, things would change. So what are you waiting for, men?
Yoo hoo, men?
Oh wait, you probably do not read a knitting, lesbian, parenting, therapist's blog.
They also had a initiative to get 100 men to commit to anti-violence stuff and to raise money for the organizations that put together the walk. They were unable to find 100 men to commit. And I am sure it is not from lack of trying. It is a travesty that DV and sexual assault are still seen as women's issues, that child abuse is still a women's issue. Women and children are most of the victims but 95% of perpetrators of these crimes are men. It is a men's issue too. But where the hell are they? If men took an active part, even half of the work on this issue, in prevention and changing sentencing laws, things would change. So what are you waiting for, men?
Yoo hoo, men?
Oh wait, you probably do not read a knitting, lesbian, parenting, therapist's blog.
28 April, 2008
Early Mother's Day Gift!
Zoo Membership!
Thank you so much, Clementine! You are the best wife ever! (say it with a Boston accent, evah)
What have I been up to?
Well, spring has sprung which means time to do all sorts of home improvement tasks. Painting the porch is the first of many this summer. Beings we had a new baby last summer, we did not do much around the house or yard. The porch really suffered not getting it's yearly paint job. So I started it last Monday.
Before I started work.
After I sanded and scraped.
After the first coat of paint.
I am using Glidden Porch and Floor Polyurethane Oil Gloss. When I do the final coat, I will be adding some sand like substance to make the steps less slippery, and maybe more durable. Unfortunately, the weather has not cooperated with more coats of paint since last Monday. Perhaps one evening this week, we can throw another coat on it.
Good times!
29 March, 2008
The Sad Saga of the Scarlet Sweater
Now for something a bit lighter.
In October, I decided it was high time I knit my wife a sweater. She was talking about how she did not have a raglan and that she really wanted a red sweater. So Hester and I went to Webs, America's Yarn Store, on one of our Mumzy-Hester Days. We picked out this beautiful scarlet cotton wool slub. I didn't know it was a slub at the time. Hester was getting fussy about being in the yarn store for SO VERY LONG so I saw it, loved the color for Clementine, saw the price was GREAT, grabbed some and dashed to the check out. Anyway, I came home and started looking for the right pattern to make it. I even had Clementine close her eyes while I measured her neck, arm length, wrist, etc. She thought I was crazy but knew a sweater was being made for her for Christmas so she was happy. Not so quick, Clementine (foreshadowing coming trouble).
So I found this raglan sweater generator on line and entered in my swatch info. I got my pattern and started knitting. I knit on the train ride in and home from work. I knit anytime Clementine was not around or awake. I did not let her see the pattern or yarn. I noticed that the arms seemed a bit tight but I thought, well, that may just be the style. I then started on the body. The pattern is cool cause you knit in the round for the body of the sweater. As the body part became long enough to see it's real size (it was squished up on the needles) I began to worry more about the size. That Saturday, I measured my creation to one of Clementine's favorite fitting sweaters. Mine was many inches smaller. I was flummoxed until I checked my stitches per inch and saw, I was off by one stitch. Bummer.
In October, I decided it was high time I knit my wife a sweater. She was talking about how she did not have a raglan and that she really wanted a red sweater. So Hester and I went to Webs, America's Yarn Store, on one of our Mumzy-Hester Days. We picked out this beautiful scarlet cotton wool slub. I didn't know it was a slub at the time. Hester was getting fussy about being in the yarn store for SO VERY LONG so I saw it, loved the color for Clementine, saw the price was GREAT, grabbed some and dashed to the check out. Anyway, I came home and started looking for the right pattern to make it. I even had Clementine close her eyes while I measured her neck, arm length, wrist, etc. She thought I was crazy but knew a sweater was being made for her for Christmas so she was happy. Not so quick, Clementine (foreshadowing coming trouble).
So I found this raglan sweater generator on line and entered in my swatch info. I got my pattern and started knitting. I knit on the train ride in and home from work. I knit anytime Clementine was not around or awake. I did not let her see the pattern or yarn. I noticed that the arms seemed a bit tight but I thought, well, that may just be the style. I then started on the body. The pattern is cool cause you knit in the round for the body of the sweater. As the body part became long enough to see it's real size (it was squished up on the needles) I began to worry more about the size. That Saturday, I measured my creation to one of Clementine's favorite fitting sweaters. Mine was many inches smaller. I was flummoxed until I checked my stitches per inch and saw, I was off by one stitch. Bummer.
The Stitches 
It knits up pretty, no?
It knits up pretty, no?What could I do but frog the entire thing and start over. I redid the pattern and got to work on it again. I tried but only had the arms and part of the body done again by Christmas. So I wrapped that up and gave it to Clementine with the promise to get it finished. I kind of pooped out on it but recently had a resurgence of time and energy to finish the thing. I did. Clementine asked me add a bit at the bottom to make it ribbed rather than a roll bottom sweater. I did that and finished it. Clementine tried it on and we saw it was a bit more form fitting than she likes but thought we could solve that by blocking it. We washed it with great anticipation. Sadly, the yarn shrunk a bit and it was not able to be blocked to fit her. Again, bummer.
The Finished Sweater
Sigh....
Clementine loves the color and the raglan. I promised to make her another. She looked so lovely in the color so I will work out the size again based on the post washed stitches per inch of the first sweater. Ugh. One more time! Third times a charm, right?
So, friends, you may get a scarlet raglan sweater for Christmas. Watch your stocking!
Sigh....Clementine loves the color and the raglan. I promised to make her another. She looked so lovely in the color so I will work out the size again based on the post washed stitches per inch of the first sweater. Ugh. One more time! Third times a charm, right?
So, friends, you may get a scarlet raglan sweater for Christmas. Watch your stocking!
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