17 September, 2007

Irritated with a Priest

Will that send me to Hell?

I know it won't but thought it would spark your interest in reading my post.

So I am irritated at our priest. Clementine thinks it could be me doing some transference from family issues. I don't doubt it but I still think I have every right to be irritated with her. Here is why.
1. Hester is to be baptised in like two weeks and we have not met with her yet about the details, to talk about what baptism means, or to even fill out the paperwork. I guess there is an intent to baptise form, much like the intent to graduate form in college, which my adviser did not tell me about until I called him to ask where my degree was because it had been months since I finished. Anyway, back to the priest, she has said she would contact us last weekend but did not. And then after church we waited to chat with her but she went right to vestry meeting and was unavailable, saying she would contact us this week. So far, nothing. I do not want Hester's baptism postponed because of the priest's inability to meet with us.

2. When Hester was in the NICU, I emailed our priest to tell her that we would like her to be placed on the prayer list and to let her know that our child was in the hospital. We did not hear back at all from her. I was hurt and also spread too thin to deal with it so I did not pursue it. Clementine did email the church office person the same message and again, nothing. Hester was never put on the prayer list. Finally, when Clementine contacted them much later about the baptism plans, she went through the web site's contact us form. This did get a response. So there must be some glitch within their email system but that is a pretty big glitch. It would have meant so much to have the support of that loving community while we were up with Hester every day at the hospital. There are people there who we know would have called or visited. But they did not know. We have not been able to talk with the priest about this for she was away on sabbatical and has not gotten back to us about the baptism. So I stew about this as I wait to meet with her.

3. The final thing is a year or so ago, I had asked to meet with her about religious questions within my work. I made an appointment and showed up on time to find that she had gone home to feed her dog, forgetting our appointment. I was so irritated that she forgot the meeting and I then coped in my usual way of avoiding.

I sometimes wonder if she wants us to be in her church. The church community has embraced us completely and is so very welcoming. We are members. But I feel she is less than warm with us, or me. We are not members who are there doing lots of church things or volunteer to teach Sunday school. Hell, I am not even an Episcopalian. But we come to the church clean up days until the baby came. We helped usher. We help clean up after the picnics. We try to be a part of things.

I don't know where I am going with this. I did not get much sleep last night and am very tired. But again, she did not email me or Clementine and I was feeling angry. I expect priests to be there when you need them. It isn't like we are pesting her all the time for stuff. I would have liked to have my sick baby prayed for. It would have been nice to meet with her when I had questions. It would be nice to learn about the Episcopalian baptism and how it differs from Catholic ones. Clementine has questions about the language that she is not comfortable with. I want her to be happy with it. I don't want us to do something half assed. But we need to meet with the priest. I guess tomorrow I will put her on my call to pester list right after the adoption agency that has had our paperwork for a week already but has not contacted us about filing it with the court.

3 comments:

Psycho Kitty said...

You know, I think our spiritual needs change as we change. I was really happy at my church until the Boy was born, and then I gradually became less happy with it because of a lot of little things that all added up to it not being the right fit anymore.

I think that you should take a deep breath for now, but after the baptism, when there's no pressure, talk to Clementine and see whether you both feel like doing some church shopping. I'd be mad, too.

Anonymous said...

I'd be very mad, Hashbrown. You have a definite right to be mad. I'm not Episcopalian or Catholic but all my pastors growing up were very responsive and personable, and never would have exhibited the behavior you're talking about.

I agree about taking a deep breath to get through the baptism, though you should still meet w/her about the things you have concerns about specifically regarding the baptism, but in general she's really pissing ME off and I haven't even been involved. I don't think it's acceptable behavior.

But I would also say don't throw the baby out with the bathwater. I know the priest is a huge part of the church but so is the congregation. If you really love the congregation maybe you want to stick it out regardless. Just a thought.

frog said...

I'd be pissed off, too.

I'm so, so sorry.