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There are not enough hours in the day. I was nonstop all day yesterday, slept 4 hours, and now am back up getting ready for work. And today will be just as full and intense as yesterday. I have so much to say but the timing is not right.

Optimism Ahoy!

I am such a freaking optimist, it makes me ill. Rather unexpectedly, we got a package in the mail from my parents. Yes, the parents who did not respond to my email telling them we are adopting. Apparently, while abroad, they thought of us and bought us each a silk scarf from France. They sent them to us, addressing the package to both Clementine and I as well as using our correct hyphenated last name. The note with it was simple and kind. We were shocked. Actually we were shocked because the scarves were folded up to be about a 6x6 inch square, the size of a quilt submission for our 100 Good Wishes Quilt. We froze and stared at the cloth saying "Oh my God, how did they find out about the quilt?" You see, being the estranged daughter, I did not tell my parents about the quilt. Anyway, I digress.

Once we realized they were scarves and a gift, we relaxed. But then optimism began to creep into my mind. At first I was saying to my self, "This is kind of them to think of us. It is a limited gesture from them but in their way, they are trying." Within a day or two, my internal talk became, "Maybe they have changed and they want to embrace our marriage and our child as part of the family. Maybe they will be grandparents to our child and be loving to Clementine and I." OH MY GOD!!!! This is my road to demise. For some people, it is drinking. For others, drugs. For others, too many blow up Christmas things on their lawn. From me, it is optimism for change in others.

I guess, this is what makes me a good therapist. If I did not believe in the power to change and that people have a natural tendency to move towards health and change, I would be a piss poor humanist music therapist. But that freaking sunny side of things view really back fires when I am trying my best to keep up healthy boundaries (limited contact) with my parents in order to protect myself from being hurt. It is that freaking optimism that is my Achilles heel.

I must keep my eye on the big picture.

Pregnancy Fun

So, while at the conference, our social worker sent us the final draft of our homestudy for our final look over to make sure the info was correct. So Thursday night, I miss the opening session because Peaches and I are on the phone looking over the homestudy together. The email from the social worker said that it was approved and that we were officially waiting/pregnant on paper. I was a wee bit freaked out that it finally was into that phase of the adoption process. So when Peaches and I finished, I went down to the auction to join my friends and let them know.

Hey, you wanna know what is wicked fun to do? Walk into a big group of music therapists (some you know and many you don't know) who are near a open bar at a function and say really loud, "Oh my God, I just found out I am pregnant! I need a drink!!" The looks you get are fantastic!

Conference Highlights

Oh, girls and boys, I had a BAD cold. It is nearly gone now and I feel more like myself again.
So, let me summarize things from the big music therapy conference in Kansas City.

1. I had meetings upon meetings to attend but most were not the type where you are so bored that you want to poke your eyes out with your pen. No, actually they were entertaining. In one meeting, we were waiting to hear if there were any new charges for us so we all started talking about our home lives. It was weird but nearly everyone in that room had adopted a child. They were all giving me advise about adoption and telling stories about traveling to get their kids or telling their kids they are adopted. I was so shocked and thrilled that there is such a supportive community right at my fingertips.
2. My presentation went well. I think that I caught my cold then from one of my co-presenters; she was quite ill and rather voiceless. It is fine; I don't begrudge her at all. She is wicked smart and talked about tweaking the presentation and "taking it on the road." My response was "Hell yeah!" or was it "sure."
3. I saw my SMWC buddies! We had lots of fun talking, drinking, goofing off, and listening to a crazy trio! I feel so close to those friends. We went through 2 intense week long trainings in our masters program which cemented our friendships for life. Two in particular, L1 and L2, are just dear friends and when I am with them, I feel so loved and at home. I am so grateful to have such wonderful friends but am always so sad that we live so freaking far apart. Also, thankfully, they find some things that happen at that conference to be weird too so I have someone to turn to and say "Did she really sing that?" A shout out to L1 who just got engaged to a very wonderful man! Way to go! Another shout out to L2 who should consider the whole lesbian wife thing!
4. Each year at conference, I see my old profs from my undergraduate degree. I still feel like I have to prove myself to them and want to show off. It is crazy cause it has been like over 13 years since I graduated. But I saw one in the hall and I said hi and then blurted out, "Did you see my article in the JMT?" I was like a freaking puppy looking for a pat on the head. He said he had and congratulated me. Later we talked about me guest lecturing at the school when I am in the area. I hope I grow out of the "puppy needing praise" phase soon.
5. Some straight man flirted with me. Canada can attest to this. She saw it all. This has not happened in years and years. I think the last man to flirt with me, straight man that is, was the psychotic straight men at the state hospital where I worked. I did not know what to do.
6. Canada and I shared many meals of sushi and a couple martinis! Oh, we took a fantastic training together on NICU work. It is always fantastic to see her. A shout out to you, Canada! Did all the Bath and Bodywork stuff weigh too much for the airline? Did you have to pay extra?
7. I procured another speaking gig (for money)! I was also recruited quietly for a doctoral program. I am not pursuing that yet.
8. The lobster slippers I made for the silent auction were such a huge hit. The package they were bundled with went for $125. And I have already gotten one request for rhinoceros slippers!
9. I had dinner and drinks with my first lover and her wife. It was great to see them again. And yes, Peaches knew we were getting together for dinner. NBD. It was 18 years ago. Ancient history!
10. It is all such a blur now but I met lots of great people, heard about some fantastic work, and networked a ton.

Great News

For those of you who do not read my wife's blog as well, our home study was approved. We will be parents.

Dear Parents of the Toddler on Both of my Flights

I had the extreme displeasure of sitting in front of your child on the way to Kansas City and back. I have three suggestions for you when you travel on a plane with that child.

1. Your child should use his indoor voice. The rest of us may not be thrilled to hear the shrill expansive vocalizations of his dear voice for four hours straight. (Please note that I am not talking about children who are crying. I am talking about a child just talking and playing.)
2. Do not allow the said child to kick the seats in front of him or repeatedly smack the tray table.
3. The plane is not a gymnasium so please do not allow your child to run up and down the aisle screaming, stomp loudly, or bother other travelers.

Thank you.

Hashbrown

Away

I will be away from this blog for a week as I must travel to a conference in Kansas City. I blogged a few entries today to make up for the time I will be away. I hope you have a great week.

Superstar

Peaches is a superstar! For five minutes at least, a child in her care bellowed "I want my dad!" at the top of his lungs. Peaches remained calm and helped the boy to calm down. She is amazing!!

Best Laid Plans

I have been planning for at least six months to go to my brother's graduation this December. This is my brother, Snapdragon, with whom I am very close to. After working as a massage therapist for years, he decided to go back to get his pre-med bachelors degree and then to go to Chiropractor school. In Dec., he will be graduating with a double major in chemistry and biology. He has a 4.0 average. I am so proud of him!

The beauty of the trip to his graduation was that no one else in my family was planning to go. I was thrilled to share such an important day with Snapdragon without the stress of the the rest of the the Potatoheads. Snapdragon was really excited that he and his wife would have all that time to spend with me as well.

That changed the other day when I called him to chat. Evidently, my parents who earlier had said they were not going to go, are going to go to his graduation. This posed a huge dilemma. Do I go and endure their crap? Do I go visit them another time? I had to take a few days to decide.

I am going to go. After thinking and talking with Peaches, I came up with quite a few ways to limit the impact of my parents' crap. So I am making my travel plans now and will go celebrate Snapdragon's great achievement with his wife.

Potty Mouth

So, yesterday morning, I was scooping the kitty poop and putting it in the toilet to flush. We use Feline Pine so you can do that. Also, I love the Feline Pine. It is 1) Economical, 2) Non-Toxic, 3)You flush the poop and can compost the rest. So I was scooping and dropped the poop into the toilet and water splashed up and hit me in the face! EEEEWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is a gal to do in this situation, I ask? Wanting to sanitize my befouled face and lips, I Purell-ed my face. What a great start to the morning!

Oh Dear!

You know what is not cool? Spinning rims on a tan Taurus station wagon.

Interns are not all bad

One of the interns I have been training finishes today. It really has been a pleasure to train her and watch her growth. As we spoke yesterday, she told me that what was lacking at her previous training site was having a supervisor who was a music therapist that she wanted to be like and that she found that working with me. That is one of the biggest compliments I have ever gotten from a student or intern.

Donkey all the way!

Ever since I moved to the Commonwealth, I like saying that word because it sounds so much more important and elegant than state. State sounds so drab. Anyway, ever since I moved to the Commonwealth thirteen or so years ago, there has been a Republican governor. This has always baffled me. I mean, come on, this is home of the Kennedys. How can there be Republicans, especially governors? Well there were. A whole succession of them. Each a bit worse than the last. That finally all changed on Election Day when the people of the Commonwealth turned out in large numbers and voted in a Democrat, who is also the first black governor here and only the second in the country! I am so thrilled! I went to bed so happy in the knowledge that at least the people of the Commonwealth had pulled it together and saw the light.

Imagine my thrill when I awoke the next morning to see that Democrats had won not 15 but 28 seats in the House and Nancy Peloci would be Speaker of the House! Can you imagine, a Democrat and a woman? Simply amazing!! I felt like a dark cloud that had moved in six years ago when W was elected started to lift and the sunlight began to shine. It has been a dark time of abuse of power by our administration, filled with too many deaths of our troops, the people of Iraq and the people of Afghanistan. There are so many other things wrong, I could go on for hours. But I felt change coming with Pelosi leading the House.

At work, I was checking my email and blog and saw that Rumsfeld resigned. Wow! Changes I thought would come seemed to be starting immediately.

Finally, last night, Petunia and I were so surprised when we heard the news that the final Senate race in Virginia was decided and it went to the Democrat. This tipped the balance in the Senate to the Democrats and that dark cloud lifted some more.

Now, I don't want to leave you with the impression that all Republicans are bad in my eyes. Not at all. But this current administration has abused power in a horrific manner. With control of three branches of government, the voice of reason was lost. Without different points of view to balance things and stop the government from the most extreme actions, we are lost. I hope the Democrats control of the House and Senate will put the brakes on some of the horrors that are happening.

Autumn Leaves

Dear Autumn Leaves,

You are so pretty on the tree. But when you fall down, I have to rake you. As you can see, there are two giant piles of leaves on the street (for street pickup) that I have already raked. Please for the rest of the season, fall into the neighbor's yards. Thank you.

Love,
Hashbrown

Favorite Day

I love to VOTE! It is the best. When I give my ballot to the elderly ladies at the polling station, I feel so elated. Sadly, I have to wait until tonight to vote because I get on my train at least an hour before the polling stations open. I cannot wait for tonight!

Addition

Here is an equation for all you math loving people.

Take

One letter telling my parents we are going to adopt a child and prompting them to be happy for us (which they probably are not since they view our marriage as mocking a sacrament and a sin).

Add

No response from my parents.

Add

Taking a baby care class.

Add

Assembling one crib from IKEA and then seeing the nursery completed.

EQUALS

One enormous freak out with crying.

Ah, the sweet passion of life.

What a load of crap!

Life just sucks sometimes.

If my old friend who called me Saturday night is reading this, perhaps you understand why I did not know my ass from a hole in the ground.

Quick Update and Photo Essay

So, I have not had a ton of time lately for writing so I thought I would do a few more photo essays of live here. Here is the bare bones update.

• We have completed our home study and will be in the waiting pool next week or so.
• I have a new intern starting and one old intern finishing.
• A while ago, I was asked to join in a presentation at the national music therapy conference and I have not really worked on it until yesterday. I have less than two weeks to get my part of the presentation done.
• I had another manuscript accepted for publication in a journal in 2007.
• I have been knitting like a fiend (photos to come).

Below is a photo essay of things we recently bought for our baby.

Recent Pet Pics

Reuben

Josie

Clara

Jack-O-Lanterns

Do you like my carving?

Wolf

Shark

Skeleton head with wings from old gravestones