Optimism Ahoy!

I am such a freaking optimist, it makes me ill. Rather unexpectedly, we got a package in the mail from my parents. Yes, the parents who did not respond to my email telling them we are adopting. Apparently, while abroad, they thought of us and bought us each a silk scarf from France. They sent them to us, addressing the package to both Clementine and I as well as using our correct hyphenated last name. The note with it was simple and kind. We were shocked. Actually we were shocked because the scarves were folded up to be about a 6x6 inch square, the size of a quilt submission for our 100 Good Wishes Quilt. We froze and stared at the cloth saying "Oh my God, how did they find out about the quilt?" You see, being the estranged daughter, I did not tell my parents about the quilt. Anyway, I digress.

Once we realized they were scarves and a gift, we relaxed. But then optimism began to creep into my mind. At first I was saying to my self, "This is kind of them to think of us. It is a limited gesture from them but in their way, they are trying." Within a day or two, my internal talk became, "Maybe they have changed and they want to embrace our marriage and our child as part of the family. Maybe they will be grandparents to our child and be loving to Clementine and I." OH MY GOD!!!! This is my road to demise. For some people, it is drinking. For others, drugs. For others, too many blow up Christmas things on their lawn. From me, it is optimism for change in others.

I guess, this is what makes me a good therapist. If I did not believe in the power to change and that people have a natural tendency to move towards health and change, I would be a piss poor humanist music therapist. But that freaking sunny side of things view really back fires when I am trying my best to keep up healthy boundaries (limited contact) with my parents in order to protect myself from being hurt. It is that freaking optimism that is my Achilles heel.

I must keep my eye on the big picture.