Catch Up.

Clementine has been after me to post again. So here is my post of what I have been up to.

1. Our farm share started and both of us are trying to cook and eat all the veggies we get. They are delicious but definitely more than we usually have. Both of us are making conscious efforts to eat veggies we may not like a lot in order to model good eating behaviour to Hester as well as to not send all this food to the compost bin. Also, our garden is growing beautiful tomatoes.
   
   
2. We went to our town's 4th of July concert and fireworks display. As we ran around with Hester, I noticed that the program was exactly the same as two years ago but different from last year. We laughed at the possibility that they only have two programs of music that they rotate.



3. Clementine and Hester visited the in-laws in July. They were gone for 5 days but it felt much longer. Instead of moping around the house, I worked on remodeling this toy kitchen. I sanded it, replaced the hardware, painted it, and polyurethanes it. Not bad, eh?



4. When they returned, we went to Clementine's family reunion. Lots of visiting in a few days.
   
5. The weather has been lots of rain and thunderstorms which have curtailed our Mumzy-Hester day adventures. We did go to two zoos recently. Hester has learned to say emu, flamingo, and buffalo. Also, we saw this tiger swimming because it was so hot.


6. Hester had her 18 month blood work including the lead test (2!!) and a extra test for a condition she might have since birth but they could not test until now. She does not have it and Clem and I are breathing a big sigh/sob of relief. I did not know I was so worried about it. Also, someone is getting four teeth at the same time.



7. Hester has started exhibiting anxiety in the doctor's office. We purchased a doctor kit, I brought home some syringes, and we bought some going to the doctor books. We do lots of medical play to teach her about the different medical equipment, gain mastery over them, and allow her to play her experiences. It helped some but clearly we need to do more. Her doctor is cool with us stopping by to say hi between now and her 2 year appointment.



8. Also, 2 year appointment!!!! Halso!!!!!!!



9. We went to a spray pool with friends from our Queer Adoptive Parents group. It is so great to have friends. Hester loved playing in the pool. So did we cause it was so HOT!
10. Hester has started showing interest in the potty so we bought a book about it (Mr. Rogers) and she sits on the potty when she wants to throughout the day. It is just the beginning and we just want her to get comfortable with the idea of the potty.



11. We went to the wedding of a former intern. It was in Wellfleet (Cape Cod) and was so very beautiful. Hester was so taken with the bride and groom, she learned their names and called to them throughout the party. She also got to walk on the beach the first time. She loved the ocean and the sand.



12. At work, I hosted nine visitors from a music therapy program in Japan. We had a mini conference with the other music therapist I work with, a music therapist who works at a hospital near by, and I presenting on medical music therapy. It was really cool to meet them. They were so very appreciative and the professor had the students sing two songs to thank me. It was beautiful. The professor was so excited for my work and what I was saying, she wants me to come to present in Japan. That would be way cool. She also thought I should be teaching medical music therapy at a local university, where she got her Masters degree. She was going to talk to the head of the program there about me. OK, that would be way cool too.



13. I have nine subjects to go on one study I am working on. Oh, please, may it be done soon!!!!



14. I was asked to serve on a small (6 person) task force by the president of the American Music Therapy Association. We are to work on the research priority. I am a bit nervous about this as the other five members are professors, PhDs, and superstars in research. I have a MA, am a clinician, and have published only 2 research articles. I feel a bit out of my league on this one. Actually, I feel WAY out of my league. EEEEE!!!!



15. Work is very busy, intense, and stressful. I'll stop there so I don't write any horribly downer post about it.
    

So that is the past month. Kind of busy, I guess. Funny, now I see why I have not posted much. I will try to post more. OK Clementine?

Mystic Aquarium

Hester, Clementine and I went on our Mystical Fish Adventure last weekend and had a wonderful time. The adventure was a trip to Mystic, CT. There we went to the Mystic Aquarium (fun), Mystic Pizza (yum), toodling around the downtown area, and watching a Memorial Day parade.

Here are some pictures.

PS. Don't go to Mystic Aquarium on Memorial Day Weekend unless you love large unruly crowds.

Travel Stress

When I was on maternity leave in March, I was asked to be a co-presenter at the American Music Therapy Association's conference in November. Our date for presenting was set months ago for November 15th in the morning. Then, a month or so ago, we were told that Hester's finalization was scheduled for Friday November 16th at 8 in the morning. I made my travel plans to go to the conference on Wednesday, present Thursday morning, get on a plane, and get home before 10 PM. Sounds like a good plan, huh?



The presentation went well and I left the hotel early, giving myself more than two hours to go through security, find my gate, and relax. It all went well until the flight boarded a bit late, but I had almost an hour layover so it was still OK. Then we pulled out onto the tarmac and stopped. The pilot said we would be waiting there for 45 minutes to take off. This put me into Chicago 15 minutes late for my connecting flight. I called my airline from the tarmac to rearrange my connecting flight. While on hold for ever, the pilot said to turn off cell phones because we were about to take off.



The whole way to Chicago, I was thinking of what to do. What if I could not get a flight? Could I rent a car and get home in time for the adoption? If I got to the airport by 5:30 AM, I could take the commuter rail home, change into my suit from the day before, and be there on time. If I got in later, I could borrow one of my coworkers truck and drive to the court house, wearing my suit from the day before. What if I could not be there? Would my wife or daughter ever forgive me for missing it? Could I ever forgive myself? What a horrible mother I am!



I got to Chicago and called the airline again. The woman found me the last seat on the next flight. As she told me I had a seat, I started to cry. I told her that I had to get home for my daughter's adoption and thanked her a zillion times. People in the airport must have thought I was crazy for I was still crying as I walked to the next concourse where my new flight was to take off from.

By the time I arrived, my flight had been delayed until 8:30 PM from 7:20 PM. Over the next hour and a half, it was delayed to 9:40 PM and the gate was changed twice and the concourse changed once. My concern then became will I get home in time for the shuttle service ride home. Their last shuttle is at 12:15 AM. The flight would make it, just barely.

We boarded the plane 30 minutes late and then the plane just sat there for another 45 minutes. I knew it would arrive later than 12:15 AM. Clementine had said to call her if I needed a ride home and she and Hester would come get me. I did not want to do that. Luckily, when I landed, I called the shuttle service and they were waiting for me outdoors. I booked it to the shuttle and got home at 2 AM.

I was thrilled that I made it home in time, that I was not a bad mother, and that I could share this very special day with my family, Hester and Clementine.

Not So Fun

Do you know what is not so fun? Going to visit the in-laws and all the extended family on that side and getting the flu, throwing up outside a McDonald's, spending a fever filled night in a hotel also throwing up, and then driving six or seven hours to get home. Good times!

One funny thing that happened. I was sleeping and having those weird fever dreams and in it I heard, "The countdown begins. 10, 9" I woke up to feel my stomach getting very queasy. Despite being awake, I heard the countdown continue. "8, 7" I broke out into a cold sweat. I knew it was coming. "6, 5" I started heading to the bathroom. "4, 3, 2" I took off my glasses and assumed the position and guess what happened on cue on 0. Yup. It was so weird I sort of chuckled in my head. It made that vomiting episode a bit more fun. You gotta look on the bright side when worshiping the porcelain god.

Another funny thing, when I first was puking, Clementine and I had the same thought. That she would be holding my hair if I had enough hair to hold. She loves me that much. Ah, the joys of marriage. Thanks Clementine! I know you got my back. I love you.

I'm Home!

Dude, the Mass Pike never looked so good.

Travel Fun

So I don't know if anyone is reading this post after the last one but I thought I would share my FUN trip details.

• I took a cab from home to the train station and he drove so SLOW! I thought I was going to miss the train. I made it to the train with three minutes to spare.
• I sat in something not right on my seat so I had to change my pants and undies at South Station.
• I get to the ticket counter at the airport with 45 minutes until take off. My credit card does not pull up the reservation on the e-ticket thing. I talk to the lady and she says, oh that is USAir Shuttle. They are the next counter down.
• I go to USAir Shuttle and it does not work. Again I ask the lady and she says, Oh, that is a United flight. They are in the next terminal. Now, you must understand I have the mother of all colds with a horrific cough right now. But I booked it across the parking lot and through the terminal to C terminal.
• I got on the plane with about 5 minutes to spare.
• Everyone gave me dagger eyes for being the sick one on the plane. Hey, I have done it too when I sat next to sick people on planes. It also was wicked hot on each flight. But I did get to eat some delicious party snacks and watch the a movie.
• I wait and wait for my luggage. It did not make it. I ask that kind lady at the counter and she says it is coming an hour and a half later and gives me a $10 food certificate for my wait.
• I get to the car rental agency and they had canceled my reservation. Some how my reservation was made for 10 AM not 6 PM (which I did type in) and it was cancelled. There were no compact or economy cars so I got a Dodge Charger for almost $80 more.
• I drove to my friend's house and was greeted by a wonderfully loving family who took great care of me.

I guess, all is well that ends well.

Crying Over Shattered Deodorant

I am a wee bit stressed out lately. So many big things are happening all at once and this Saturday, I lost it. Let me tell you about it all.

1. Over the last ten days, our lives have changed dramatically. We are in the consideration of the birth parents for this child to be born early February. We are the only parents being considered and we will hear in the next few days if they want to meet us. If it works out, we have to get the funds together in very little time and prepare for the baby. We have done so much but I worry that there is so much left to do.
2. Thursday, I fly out to visit Snapdragon and see him graduate with his pre-med degree. I also get to visit my dear friend Chica, Psycho Kitty, and Rae. The down side is that I will be seeing my parents. I so do not want to see them or talk with them about the adoption. They are so very unpleasant. So that part of the trip is wicked stressful.
3. I had two moles removed about a month ago. Two weeks ago, I got a call from the doctors office saying that they "could not rule out cancer" in one of the moles and they needed to "shave the site down." It was clear that I was talking to the secretary and she did not have any good answers about what "could not rule out cancer" meant. I plan to find out tomorrow. Deep down in my brain, I have a very strong belief that it is not that serious. But my god, hearing the C word in relation to your body is quite frightening. This one tipped the scales over to the side of crazy Saturday.
4. Also, over the past two weeks , I had one abstract for a conference turned down as well as a manuscript for a journal. I have had maybe two rejections of conference abstracts EVER in my career, and I present a lot. My other three manuscripts were accepted for publication with minor changes. This one, one of the reviewers seemed to have it out for me. I revised that damn thing four times for her. My rejection letter contained the comments from both reviewers. The evil one had five things she did not like, things like arguing that it is not actually a pilot study. The other reviewer said it was ready to publish. This is my first manuscript to be rejected. I know it is all part of the process but I feel like I have lost my golden touch. I realize this may seem rather petty or dumb in relation to the other things like adoption and mole cancer worry, but these goals have a very important meaning to me.
5. Christmas is coming and that is always a stressful time. I don't feel at home with my in-laws. Now don't get me wrong, they are super nice and caring. It just is so very different from what I grew up with. I miss my family a lot during the holidays but know what I miss does not exist anymore. I love Peaches and my private celebration of Christmas. That is so wonderful. The spirit of the holiday lives in that wonderful evening each year. There is no complaining about gifts, yelling that someone ruined the green beans, fear that someone will not like a gift and berate you, or being left out or passed over because I am gay.
6. We were planning a party and we needed to clean the house, cook the cookies, make the other food, and get ready.
7. Oh, my period started that day and I was severely PMS-ing with the erratic moods.
8. My cold from THANKSGIVING is still around and getting worse.

So, I was so crazed that I picked stupid fights with Peaches. I tried to rein it in but it kept busting through. Finally, I was getting ready and reached for my crystal rock deodorant. It fell into the sink, slid across the bowl of the sink and did an Evil Kenevil jump over the counter onto the trash can lid where it shattered into a zillion shards of odor killing sharpness. I stared at it and started sobbing. It was immensely stupid to cry over my deodorant but then that really was not what I was crying over, now was it.

Today is day two of my period so the irrational, hormone influenced emotions are gone. I have apologized to Peaches and together we processed "like good social workers" the whole fight picking incidents. She is a wonderful woman and I know I am very lucky to have her love.

The cookie party went well. Our many wonderful friends we had not seen in a while came and it was just so nice to sit in the room with loving friends. We saw a few more this morning for breakfast. Everyone is so supportive of the adoption, asking about it, offering help, expressing excitement at the prospects of this baby.

Tomorrow, I find out about the mole. I'll let you all know.

I got my plans on how to deal with my parents. Chica and Psycho Kitty are coming to Snapdragon's graduation so that will help buffer the parents. My therapist helped me rehearse what to say to set limits. It will be ok. It is just scary when you only have seen them twice in six years and both times sent you to therapy afterwards.

As for the manuscript, I have another journal picked out and just need to work on undoing the stupid edits of the evil reviewer.

I am going to Price Chopper tomorrow to buy another crystal deodorant.

Conference Highlights

Oh, girls and boys, I had a BAD cold. It is nearly gone now and I feel more like myself again.
So, let me summarize things from the big music therapy conference in Kansas City.

1. I had meetings upon meetings to attend but most were not the type where you are so bored that you want to poke your eyes out with your pen. No, actually they were entertaining. In one meeting, we were waiting to hear if there were any new charges for us so we all started talking about our home lives. It was weird but nearly everyone in that room had adopted a child. They were all giving me advise about adoption and telling stories about traveling to get their kids or telling their kids they are adopted. I was so shocked and thrilled that there is such a supportive community right at my fingertips.
2. My presentation went well. I think that I caught my cold then from one of my co-presenters; she was quite ill and rather voiceless. It is fine; I don't begrudge her at all. She is wicked smart and talked about tweaking the presentation and "taking it on the road." My response was "Hell yeah!" or was it "sure."
3. I saw my SMWC buddies! We had lots of fun talking, drinking, goofing off, and listening to a crazy trio! I feel so close to those friends. We went through 2 intense week long trainings in our masters program which cemented our friendships for life. Two in particular, L1 and L2, are just dear friends and when I am with them, I feel so loved and at home. I am so grateful to have such wonderful friends but am always so sad that we live so freaking far apart. Also, thankfully, they find some things that happen at that conference to be weird too so I have someone to turn to and say "Did she really sing that?" A shout out to L1 who just got engaged to a very wonderful man! Way to go! Another shout out to L2 who should consider the whole lesbian wife thing!
4. Each year at conference, I see my old profs from my undergraduate degree. I still feel like I have to prove myself to them and want to show off. It is crazy cause it has been like over 13 years since I graduated. But I saw one in the hall and I said hi and then blurted out, "Did you see my article in the JMT?" I was like a freaking puppy looking for a pat on the head. He said he had and congratulated me. Later we talked about me guest lecturing at the school when I am in the area. I hope I grow out of the "puppy needing praise" phase soon.
5. Some straight man flirted with me. Canada can attest to this. She saw it all. This has not happened in years and years. I think the last man to flirt with me, straight man that is, was the psychotic straight men at the state hospital where I worked. I did not know what to do.
6. Canada and I shared many meals of sushi and a couple martinis! Oh, we took a fantastic training together on NICU work. It is always fantastic to see her. A shout out to you, Canada! Did all the Bath and Bodywork stuff weigh too much for the airline? Did you have to pay extra?
7. I procured another speaking gig (for money)! I was also recruited quietly for a doctoral program. I am not pursuing that yet.
8. The lobster slippers I made for the silent auction were such a huge hit. The package they were bundled with went for $125. And I have already gotten one request for rhinoceros slippers!
9. I had dinner and drinks with my first lover and her wife. It was great to see them again. And yes, Peaches knew we were getting together for dinner. NBD. It was 18 years ago. Ancient history!
10. It is all such a blur now but I met lots of great people, heard about some fantastic work, and networked a ton.