Mystic Aquarium

Hester, Clementine and I went on our Mystical Fish Adventure last weekend and had a wonderful time. The adventure was a trip to Mystic, CT. There we went to the Mystic Aquarium (fun), Mystic Pizza (yum), toodling around the downtown area, and watching a Memorial Day parade.

Here are some pictures.

PS. Don't go to Mystic Aquarium on Memorial Day Weekend unless you love large unruly crowds.

Belated Answers for Frog

Hey Frog. Thanks for answering my questions. I will answer yours now.


What's the most surprising and positive part of being a mom? The most surprising and challenging?
Hey, that is two questions in one. The most suprising and positive now part is how happy I am feeling. There is a lightness in my heart that I do not think has ever existed there. I like it very much. The most suprising and positive part ever was how much and how fast I loved Hester the second day of her life when she opened her little eyes and stared at me. It was that moment that I became her mother in my heart. It was that moment that I knew I would do anything to protect this child. It was that moment I felt more love than I ever imagined for a child wash over me. It was that moment I knew my life was changed forever and I did not mind.

The most challenging suprise for me was how much I thought of and missed my parents. Holding Hester late at night always brought me to thoughts of how my mother and father held me the same way late at night. How they must have been washed over with love and devotion for me as I am for Hester. How they must hurt so much to be cut off from me, as I imagine I would feel if I cut Hester out of my life. How hard their decision to turn against me must have been and must be every day. The compassion, love, and longing for my parents was and still is a challenge and a suprise.

How did you and Clementine meet?
Gay Marching Band.
No seriously.
I kid you not.
I had been playing with the marching band for a few years. Clementine joined it one winter. I played sax; Clementine played percussion. I watched her from across the brass section and marveled at her rhythmic precision and definitely noticed how very cute she was in her red Adidas hat. She volunteered to help me post fliers for an upcoming concert. We walked through the city that Saturday, posting fliers and talking. I discovered I had found the most enchanting and engaging woman ever. We walked and talked for hours. Stupidly, I wore my new boots to make my outfit more butch-y and cute, boots I had not broken in properly. About two hours into our fliering, I developed large blisters on each foot that covered the entire ball of my foot. But I kept walking, smiling, chatting, and flirting and did not limp. I did not tell her about my feet for I did not want the day to end. She was too wonderful and I was so captivated. Finally, when I did have to drop her off at her place so she could go to work, I drove around the corner, stopped the car, and screamed because my feet hurt like a mo fo. The romance had a bit of a rocky beginning after that but once we started dating, I think we both knew that each other was the one. That is our dorky but true story of how we met.

Do you have plans for more children? Pets?
Children, no. We were very clear in our decision to have a child that we really only wanted one. Clementine has said that once she met Hester, she knew our family was complete. I feel we are complete as well.

Pets, well, I believe we have a full house right now with two cats and one dog. I am sure we will have pets with us throughout our lives for we both get so much joy from them. I would feel incomplete without a cat or dog next to me. So, no exact plans as of now.

So to keep me blogging regularly, I will do as Frog did. Anyone can ask me three questions about anything and I will answer them. Of course, some topics may be handled like the current Bush nominee in a senate hearing: gracefully skirted.

Sweet Dreams

Last night, Hester woke up as I tried to transfer her to her crib. We still needed to call Hester's first mother to wish her a happy Mother's Day. So I gave her a bottle while Clementine called Hester's first mother. As they spoke, Hester finished eating. We sat there together listening to Clementine talk. Hester just gazed up at my face and slowly drifted off to sleep. It reminded me so much of the second night of Hester's life. On that night, she woke up for the first time and gazed into my eyes. At that moment, I knew I was Hester's mother deep in my heart. It seemed a fitting end to my first Mother's Day to relive that moment as well as reconnect with Hester's first mother.

Then

Now

Mother's Day Note

Hello Mom
I just wanted to take a moment to wish you a happy Mother's Day. Not a day has gone by since Hester was born that I do not think about you. I especially think about just how much I love Hester and how you must feel that same way for each of your children. I hope you have had a wonderful day.
Love,
Hashbrown, Clementine, and Hester

Thoughts about Parents

My parents continue to email me after receiving the photo greeting cards we make of Hester (we have been doing on each major holiday). They even sent a stuffed lamb for Easter to Hester. I am surprised that everyone was right that they may be in contact more when I had a child. I am happy, mostly, with the tentative nature of our interactions. I wonder if this is the start of re-establishing our relationship or not.

When I hold Hester, my mind wanders to thinking about how my parents held me. I think a lot about my mother. I think about how much I love Hester and how my mother must have felt the same way when holding me. I think about how I never want to be estranged from Hester and how much it must hurt my mother to be estranged from me. I wonder about her choices in regards to me, especially the choice to cling to religions that say being queer is bad. I know God and religions are powerful forces in her life but each time I look at Hester, each time I hold her, each time I see her I feel the presence of God with each of us and in the love we have for each other. I wish my mother and father could get beyond what man says God believes and could see that God made me in His image as much as he made them in His image. I wish they could see God in Hester, Clementine, and themselves. I am not so angry with them anymore. I am more surprised that something made by men, religion, could come between the love a parent has for their child.

Progress?

The day we brought Hester home, I received this email from my parents. Talk about timing.

Dear Hashbrown & Clementine,

Thank you for the announcement, thank you note, and letter with the pictures of Hester. We certainly appreciate you taking a picture of her in the outfit we sent. We thought she looked cute in it. She seems to be very alert with those big bright eyes. She probably does not miss a trick. That is really good.

You will be very busy and your life will be very full. It is a really good thing that Hester will have a home where she will be safe and loved.

Aunt Tater and Uncle Spud are visiting and we showed them the pictures and announcement. Aunt Tater asked about Hester's names and we were not able to tell her about them. They will be here for a month so maybe you could email us the origin of the names and we can share the information with them. They think she is a cute baby, also.

Love to all,
Dad and Mom

I don't know if it is a good sign or not. I don't want to get my heart all hopeful again that they will be nice and a part of my life. Especially now when I miss them so very much. There are so many things I want to share with them about being a parent. I wish they called all the time like Clementine's parents do. I wish they were planning to come up and meet Hester as Clementine's parents are.

What do you think? Is this letter progress?

A Rose By Any Other Name

My parents shocked us by sending a gift and a note to Hester. It was a kind note and a cute white with pink trim and bunnies layette set. They even called themselves Grandma and Papa. Good signs, right. Maybe they are coming around. However, the problem is that they addressed the gift and the package to the wrong name. Henrietta not Hester*. What gives?

Clementine thinks it could be my mother being mean in a very Gemini way (Clementine is a Gemini as is my mother and she has taught me about the evil ways of the Gemini). My mother is well known for this trait. However, I am inclined to think that my mother is so very stressed out when dealing with me, she messed up the name. She makes all sorts of spelling errors when she emails me which she would never have done before (she is also very meticulous about language much like my Gemini wife). When my mother talks with me, she says some pretty crazy things that she never would have said before as well. Maybe I am just being too generous. I don't know.

Anyway, now that we have an address for them, we are sending a birth announcement and then I will send the thank you note. Perhaps they will get the incorrect name thing on their own and I don't have to actively address it.

Parental Support

Dear Hashbrown and Clementine,
Thank you for your email and the photographs of Hester. We hope that her health progresses quickly. Living in a hospital is not the best start for a baby as evidenced your Uncle who spent his first three months in a hospital before he was adopted. We know that you will spend as much time as you can with her so that the bonding procedures will progress as normally as possible.
Love, Mom and Dad

This is all they said since we announced Hester's birth. No "Congratulations." No "She's beautiful." No "Wow." No card, gift, call to check on her progress or how we are doing with a child in the NICU. Nothing more.