I just woke up and the dream I was having is still fresh in my mind. I was cooking thanksgiving dinner for five people. I had served two and the other two were late. I was about to sit down and then different people showed up, mainly my family members, and the expected me to share the food with them. I struggled to find enough food for them and ended up taking the Cornish game hen from my plate (What? Hello dream world, I am a vegetarian) and making it into some sort of phyllo feta dish. The unexpected guests started joking that it was a liberal log.
All I can say is that I am glad I woke up.
23 October, 2007
22 October, 2007
Teeth
I just got home from my six month check up at the dentist. Guess who is in the no cavity club again? That would be me. Hurrah! But she recommended again, a guard for teeth clenching/grinding at night. Oh, how sexy that will be.
Right after, I stopped by the grocery store to get stuff for dinner tonight and for the upcoming week. Who bought lots of candy post dentist visit? That would be me. Hurrah! No cavities so let's celebrate with candy.
On a different note, we have a minor lady bug infestation in our home. Any suggestions?
OK, I am a little low on ideas right now.
Right after, I stopped by the grocery store to get stuff for dinner tonight and for the upcoming week. Who bought lots of candy post dentist visit? That would be me. Hurrah! No cavities so let's celebrate with candy.
On a different note, we have a minor lady bug infestation in our home. Any suggestions?
OK, I am a little low on ideas right now.
20 October, 2007
Still
Weeks ago, right after I wrote the post about being mad at our priest, we got an opportunity to speak with her. We were sitting in church and her homily included stories about friends of hers who have a baby who has been in the hospital much of his life. She spoke of the importance of supporting those who are part of our community. I sat there and fumed. After, Clementine and I decided the topic of today's sermon set us up perfectly to talk to our priest about our concerns. We met with her and told her how we emailed her and the church but never heard back from them. She was clearly stunned that we had reached out but not been heard. Her surprise quelled my anger and let me see that it was truly a breakdown in the communication system. We recommended that they look into it and fix the problem so others pleas will be heard.
I was surprised to hear my voice grow heavy with sorrow and to see Clementine turn away to wipe her tears from her eyes as we told our priest. All those emotions that we could not feel at the time because we were in survival mode are now coming to the surface. In that moment, I understood why we are both so exhausted and have decreased emotional reserve since Hester's birth. Spending night after night with her in the hospital and then having to rush to our work every day only to worry about her all day took a such a toll upon us. I then thought that with time and care, we are returning to how we once were. But really, I know we will never be those two people, for now our family is three. We are bound together with Hester for the rest of our lives and beyond. Each day of our history together with Hester is written in our souls and hearts. Those weeks will always be with us and I do not think either of us will not get tearful as we remember seeing our daughter suffering.
I was surprised to hear my voice grow heavy with sorrow and to see Clementine turn away to wipe her tears from her eyes as we told our priest. All those emotions that we could not feel at the time because we were in survival mode are now coming to the surface. In that moment, I understood why we are both so exhausted and have decreased emotional reserve since Hester's birth. Spending night after night with her in the hospital and then having to rush to our work every day only to worry about her all day took a such a toll upon us. I then thought that with time and care, we are returning to how we once were. But really, I know we will never be those two people, for now our family is three. We are bound together with Hester for the rest of our lives and beyond. Each day of our history together with Hester is written in our souls and hearts. Those weeks will always be with us and I do not think either of us will not get tearful as we remember seeing our daughter suffering.
18 October, 2007
Belated Answers for Frog
Hey Frog. Thanks for answering my questions. I will answer yours now.
What's the most surprising and positive part of being a mom? The most surprising and challenging?
Hey, that is two questions in one. The most suprising and positive now part is how happy I am feeling. There is a lightness in my heart that I do not think has ever existed there. I like it very much. The most suprising and positive part ever was how much and how fast I loved Hester the second day of her life when she opened her little eyes and stared at me. It was that moment that I became her mother in my heart. It was that moment that I knew I would do anything to protect this child. It was that moment I felt more love than I ever imagined for a child wash over me. It was that moment I knew my life was changed forever and I did not mind.
The most challenging suprise for me was how much I thought of and missed my parents. Holding Hester late at night always brought me to thoughts of how my mother and father held me the same way late at night. How they must have been washed over with love and devotion for me as I am for Hester. How they must hurt so much to be cut off from me, as I imagine I would feel if I cut Hester out of my life. How hard their decision to turn against me must have been and must be every day. The compassion, love, and longing for my parents was and still is a challenge and a suprise.
How did you and Clementine meet?
Gay Marching Band.
No seriously.
I kid you not.
I had been playing with the marching band for a few years. Clementine joined it one winter. I played sax; Clementine played percussion. I watched her from across the brass section and marveled at her rhythmic precision and definitely noticed how very cute she was in her red Adidas hat. She volunteered to help me post fliers for an upcoming concert. We walked through the city that Saturday, posting fliers and talking. I discovered I had found the most enchanting and engaging woman ever. We walked and talked for hours. Stupidly, I wore my new boots to make my outfit more butch-y and cute, boots I had not broken in properly. About two hours into our fliering, I developed large blisters on each foot that covered the entire ball of my foot. But I kept walking, smiling, chatting, and flirting and did not limp. I did not tell her about my feet for I did not want the day to end. She was too wonderful and I was so captivated. Finally, when I did have to drop her off at her place so she could go to work, I drove around the corner, stopped the car, and screamed because my feet hurt like a mo fo. The romance had a bit of a rocky beginning after that but once we started dating, I think we both knew that each other was the one. That is our dorky but true story of how we met.
Do you have plans for more children? Pets?
Children, no. We were very clear in our decision to have a child that we really only wanted one. Clementine has said that once she met Hester, she knew our family was complete. I feel we are complete as well.
Pets, well, I believe we have a full house right now with two cats and one dog. I am sure we will have pets with us throughout our lives for we both get so much joy from them. I would feel incomplete without a cat or dog next to me. So, no exact plans as of now.
So to keep me blogging regularly, I will do as Frog did. Anyone can ask me three questions about anything and I will answer them. Of course, some topics may be handled like the current Bush nominee in a senate hearing: gracefully skirted.
What's the most surprising and positive part of being a mom? The most surprising and challenging?
Hey, that is two questions in one. The most suprising and positive now part is how happy I am feeling. There is a lightness in my heart that I do not think has ever existed there. I like it very much. The most suprising and positive part ever was how much and how fast I loved Hester the second day of her life when she opened her little eyes and stared at me. It was that moment that I became her mother in my heart. It was that moment that I knew I would do anything to protect this child. It was that moment I felt more love than I ever imagined for a child wash over me. It was that moment I knew my life was changed forever and I did not mind.
The most challenging suprise for me was how much I thought of and missed my parents. Holding Hester late at night always brought me to thoughts of how my mother and father held me the same way late at night. How they must have been washed over with love and devotion for me as I am for Hester. How they must hurt so much to be cut off from me, as I imagine I would feel if I cut Hester out of my life. How hard their decision to turn against me must have been and must be every day. The compassion, love, and longing for my parents was and still is a challenge and a suprise.
How did you and Clementine meet?
Gay Marching Band.
No seriously.
I kid you not.
I had been playing with the marching band for a few years. Clementine joined it one winter. I played sax; Clementine played percussion. I watched her from across the brass section and marveled at her rhythmic precision and definitely noticed how very cute she was in her red Adidas hat. She volunteered to help me post fliers for an upcoming concert. We walked through the city that Saturday, posting fliers and talking. I discovered I had found the most enchanting and engaging woman ever. We walked and talked for hours. Stupidly, I wore my new boots to make my outfit more butch-y and cute, boots I had not broken in properly. About two hours into our fliering, I developed large blisters on each foot that covered the entire ball of my foot. But I kept walking, smiling, chatting, and flirting and did not limp. I did not tell her about my feet for I did not want the day to end. She was too wonderful and I was so captivated. Finally, when I did have to drop her off at her place so she could go to work, I drove around the corner, stopped the car, and screamed because my feet hurt like a mo fo. The romance had a bit of a rocky beginning after that but once we started dating, I think we both knew that each other was the one. That is our dorky but true story of how we met.
Do you have plans for more children? Pets?
Children, no. We were very clear in our decision to have a child that we really only wanted one. Clementine has said that once she met Hester, she knew our family was complete. I feel we are complete as well.
Pets, well, I believe we have a full house right now with two cats and one dog. I am sure we will have pets with us throughout our lives for we both get so much joy from them. I would feel incomplete without a cat or dog next to me. So, no exact plans as of now.
So to keep me blogging regularly, I will do as Frog did. Anyone can ask me three questions about anything and I will answer them. Of course, some topics may be handled like the current Bush nominee in a senate hearing: gracefully skirted.
Clementine tagged me
OK, Clementine, here is the meme you tagged me with.
Choose a word for each letter of your middle name (then you must tag other bloggers, one for each letter).
M is for motherhood which I am finding I enjoy much more than I ever expected. Certainly, like on nights like tonight where the tasks of washing bottles, getting things ready for Hester for tomorrow, setting up Mr. Belvedere, I miss nights before Hester when I could just go to bed. But in the grand scheme of things, the happiness I feel every day since she came into our lives is worth all the nights washing bottles and so much more. The happiness motherhood has brought me is invaluable.
I tag Squasha at Running into the Unknown. I know she has nothing to do with the letter M but then neither does anyone else except JPP who has already been tagged. But I thought Squasha would do because she is a MT like Me!
A is for is for All Things Considered. I LOVE NPR! (Sorry, sort of lame but I could not think of anything else that I could write).
I tag Abigail at The Abigailia.
R is for Radiohead. Hester has a CD of Radiohead songs that are turned into lullabies. It is playing right now in her room and I am sitting outside her room, reassuring her, waiting for her to drift off to sleep. I also have been listening to the real Radiohead (OK Computer and The Bends) on my MP3 player. Oh, I could have used that for my M. Oh well.
I tag Frog at Frogblog.
I is for illness which I hope to avoid. I just got my first flu shot ever yesterday. I have refused it all these years but decided to get it to protect Hester. Also, Hester had to get it so I thought it was only fair to get it too.
I tag Canada at Just Jump In.
E is for equality. The battle here is over for marriage but continues on for equality in marriage benefits. Me and my hat of justice march on to the battle front.
I tag Psycho Kitty at SBFH cause Kitty ends with an e sound.
Clearly my blogisphere of friends is limited and I must stretch to meet the challenges of my middle name letters.
Choose a word for each letter of your middle name (then you must tag other bloggers, one for each letter).
M is for motherhood which I am finding I enjoy much more than I ever expected. Certainly, like on nights like tonight where the tasks of washing bottles, getting things ready for Hester for tomorrow, setting up Mr. Belvedere, I miss nights before Hester when I could just go to bed. But in the grand scheme of things, the happiness I feel every day since she came into our lives is worth all the nights washing bottles and so much more. The happiness motherhood has brought me is invaluable.
I tag Squasha at Running into the Unknown. I know she has nothing to do with the letter M but then neither does anyone else except JPP who has already been tagged. But I thought Squasha would do because she is a MT like Me!
A is for is for All Things Considered. I LOVE NPR! (Sorry, sort of lame but I could not think of anything else that I could write).
I tag Abigail at The Abigailia.
R is for Radiohead. Hester has a CD of Radiohead songs that are turned into lullabies. It is playing right now in her room and I am sitting outside her room, reassuring her, waiting for her to drift off to sleep. I also have been listening to the real Radiohead (OK Computer and The Bends) on my MP3 player. Oh, I could have used that for my M. Oh well.
I tag Frog at Frogblog.
I is for illness which I hope to avoid. I just got my first flu shot ever yesterday. I have refused it all these years but decided to get it to protect Hester. Also, Hester had to get it so I thought it was only fair to get it too.
I tag Canada at Just Jump In.
E is for equality. The battle here is over for marriage but continues on for equality in marriage benefits. Me and my hat of justice march on to the battle front.
I tag Psycho Kitty at SBFH cause Kitty ends with an e sound.
Clearly my blogisphere of friends is limited and I must stretch to meet the challenges of my middle name letters.
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