Commuting Hell and Exhaustion

If I have any readers left, I wanted to say "Hi" and "I still do exist." Clementine and I have been just out straight trying to keep up a crazy pace to care for Hester and continue to work. It is taking it's toll on us.

Here is my schedule.
Tuesdays and Fridays, I work from 8am-8:30pm. Those days start with getting up around 5 AM. If I am at the hospital, I catch a bus to the train. Then I take the train to work. After work, I either take the train home or to the city where Hester is being treated. If I go home, I have to wait for the 10 pm train that gets home around 11:30 pm. If I go to the hospital, I will get there around 9:30 pm. On Wednesdays, I go to work as above but only work until 4:30 pm. Going home or to the hospital is much better these days as I arrive either place around 6:15 PM. Saturdays, Sundays, and Mondays, I have off and I spend them with Hester all day and night.

Friday was an awful day for me. I was feeling very low, very torn to be apart from Hester. I feel that way almost every moment I am away from her but that day it was particularly bad. I cried 3 times at work that day. That is an Olympic record of crying at work, in my book. Anyway, I got totally upset about the commuting schedule. And I could feel myself coming down with a cold. I asked Clementine to come get me so I would not be sitting at train stations for ever but did not communicate it very well and she did not understand just how frustrated I was. She said she wanted to go see Hester and would get me from the train station near the hospital when I got there. I got so upset that I had to wait hours and hours to see my child, too upset. I realized that I was just too overwrought, sick, and over exhausted and the best thing for me was to go home and rest.

The following morning, I woke up and did some stuff around the house that I had needed and wanted to do for weeks. I realized that is where my grounding comes from. Just those few hours paying bills made me feel better than I had felt in days. Clementine came to get me and we spent the rest of the weekend with Hester.

Despite my words about the troubles of these past three weeks with Hester, I would not trade them for the world. She has touched my life in ways I could never explain.