A Blog For Betty

Since Betty Friedan died, Peaches and I have talked a lot about feminism. Betty helped to change women's lives with her words "A woman has got to be able to say, and not feel guilty, `Who am I, and what do I want out of life?' She mustn't feel selfish and neurotic if she wants goals of her own, outside of husband and children." I cannot think of what my life would have been if she had not challenged women and men to see beyond the roles that were laid out for us.

As I thought of Betty, I also thought about my mother. When I was a wee spud growing up, my mother will filled with internalized misogyny. I remember asking about the ERA, having seen it on TV, and she said it was bad for women and she was happy it did not pass. When I had my first period, she instructed me to always take my pads to the outdoor trash because the smell of menstruation was offensive. I remember loving work like cutting firewood and hearing my mother tell me that it was going to "damage " my womanhood. There were endless messages about what was women's work and men's work, what is right to wear and not right to wear as a woman, the role I was expected to fill, etc.

I refused to identify myself as a feminist for many years. But I started young, noticing the differences between what males and females could do. I remember clearly the day I had to start wearing a bathing suit that covered my top and that my brother did not and feeling angry. I also remember the indignity I felt when I learned that I could not be a priest, only a nun. Do you think I was going to wear a dress? Not even for God. All though college and many years beyond, I refused to be called a feminist. I think I still held my mother's influence over that label. Finally, when reading "Recovering Ophelia" by Mary Pipher, I was confronted by my own internalized misogyny and saw that truly, I am a feminist. I have been since I first had to wear a girl's bathing suit. Now, I say it proudly. I am thankful that I have moved so far away from my mother's teachings.

I am so thankful for my feminist lovers, friends, and wife, who taught me so much and exposed me to wonderful books, thoughts, and ways to be. They have challenged me to grow and change. Thank you, everyone.

Finally, thank you, Betty. Sadly, the media vilified you throughout your life. While the lives of others who recently died, who work and actions changed our lives, have been lauded by the government and media as heroes, your passing was only a passing comment. You, who helped to start the Second Wave. You, who helped to found NOW. You, who helped to make the women's movement go from personal to political. You helped to make it possible for me to be a proud woman. Betty, I am able to say who I am and what I want out of life.