The Excitement is Growing

I haven’t written a lot about our adoption process or my thoughts on becoming a mother. There have been a few posts on my fears but I haven’t shared much of my process with you, my gentle readers.

Lately, the excitement for our upcoming adoption is growing. Being a future parent has sunk in and I am beginning to anticipate it. I notice this mostly at work. One of the nurses’ lounges has a board where various staff members have posted pictures of their children, from the newly born to the teenagers. I was looking at it the other day and really enjoyed the pictures, for the first time. I am not sure why of this shift. Is it from the expectation of becoming a parent? Or did I cut my self off from celebrating the parenthood of my friends and peers because I did not thing I could be a parent and now that I am going to be a parent, I am allowing myself to be open to this portion of my friends and peers lives?

Another way I am experiencing the excitement is in telling my coworkers that we are going to adopt. I am speaking more and more freely about it. And everyone has been incredibly supportive and happy for me. My coworkers ask me frequently about where we are in the process and how I am doing with the wait. I find myself talking about it with more and more excitement and anticipation. This is something I really want.

Finally, a baby at work was being taken from her mother’s custody. I have worked with children in this situation for many, many years so it is nothing new to me. But this time, it was different. The baby would look at me and reach to me anytime she saw me. I would look into her dark eyes, at her round cheeks, and her little hands and feel an unfamiliar surge of emotions. I found my heart aching to have her placed with AJWP and I. I am so unaccustomed to feeling like this; I did not tell AJWP about it until after the child went home because I was so startled by my feelings.

So, I guess I am getting ready to be a parent.